Rejection: It SUCKS ASS! (and where do we go from here)

I’m sure we’ve all had this experience to some degree before. We see something. Anything. A job. A dude. A gal. An internship. A college. Something that seems so right on and so big at the same time. It’s like the Universe itself put whatever it was right then and there for just us. At first, acknowledgement comes. Ok, I know you’re there. I see you. You’re so bright and shiny and amazing and just perfect. We remain calm. Don’t make any sudden movements. Don’t want to scare it away. Smile slightly, but not a full smile. Don’t want to quite commit to something that may or may not really be yours.

Slowly, you start to feel around. It feels good. Not too bad, at all. The Universe continues to put signs out to you to come closer. Say hello. Put in your resume. Fill out that application. Sign up for that class. This is yours. Just baby jump through these hoops. And, so, what would you do? You jump. You have to. You just can’t not. If you didn’t it would feel like you were going against what already was.

And, slowly the momentum begins to build and things start to roll in that direction. The doors begin to open. Sure, I’d love to get coffee. Please come to an interview on Monday. I’d love for you to come and check us out. So, once again, you go. You go and the world around you begins to align even more so. It feels like whatever it is, is already yours. You see yourself kissing goodnight, getting that first paycheck, running those errands, sitting in that first class at the adult university. And, it feels so good. It feels so right. It feels so real. But wait, this can’t be. This is too easy. Everything just seems like it’s going to fit. This is too weird. This just isn’t it. Once again, you keep walking towards it though. You keep being open and vulnerable and hopeful and confident and all the while, deep deep underneath it all, you know it’s a farce.

Then, things begin to unravel and fall apart and none of it was what it seemed. It was all a big, huge lie. That guy/girl laughs in your face. They weren’t looking at you in that way. The sun was in their eyes. Job? Ha. They don’t want people like you. Internship? More like slavery. University? It’s community college for you babe. And, you begin to see the Universe as a real big meanie pants. Like, Universe, why would you just send me on that wild goose chase?  Why would you let me kiss that girl? Cash that paycheck? Take that class? Why????

The Universe never answers. It sits still. So do you. There’s like a wild, silent treatment Mexican standoff going on between you and the Universe. You go first. No, you go first. No, you. No, you. You. You. AHHHHHH. It’s neverending. The damn Universe always wins. What do you do though? How do you just take it and hold it and move on from the pain? You just do.

I’ve learned that most of the time my ideas of how things are or should be is far from the truth. I’ve learned that I generally don’t have the full picture set in reality and that I don’t always know what’s best. I’ve also learned to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going.

One time, I was listening to an interview of Patti Smith and she was talking about this thunderbolt tattoo that she has on her leg. She was asked if it meant anything and she said that she heard or read or saw something about Crazy Horse and how he would tattoo or paint thunderbolts on his horse’s ears to remind him to keep going, to remember the fight, to never give up. I found solace in that. Keep going. What a powerful statement! So, I keep going.

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